I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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