I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
