you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
