I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
