So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I lost the right to judge tonight
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
