I seem to have left my pride at pride
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
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