If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
