apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
You are a genius and a whore.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
