He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
