M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
she told me i tasted like america
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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