are you so shy because you have an std?
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
