last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
You are a genius and a whore.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
