ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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