I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
