i wish there were pregnant emoticons
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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