you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
