oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
