you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
