god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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