I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
