I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize