Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Every concussion has its silver lining
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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