He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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