after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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