I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
