The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
false alarm. still invincible.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
