I heard we made out
I'm lost and stupid without you.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
