okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
