I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
