It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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