Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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