Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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