I could make wine with my vomit
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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