It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
