Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
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You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
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How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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