At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize