Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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