I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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