honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
