I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
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Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
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Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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