Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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