What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Randomize
