he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
