In the future we'll all be gay
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
ok first of all what the fuck
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
