If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
