i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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