I want to have your abortion
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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