i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
