It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
