yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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