Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
he high fived his dick after we had sex
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
