I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
