my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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