OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
even my farts smell like vagina
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Randomize
