I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
