Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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