I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
