All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
