I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
