dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
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since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
They took my balls.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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