He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Randomize
