Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
