It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
