Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
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