Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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