He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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