i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
