Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
