I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
zippers are such a cool invention
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
