I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
