I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
