Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Randomize
